The Victim Mindset

Individuals who expect that others owe them for a lifetime, or that others perpetually owe them a shower of Roses, Resources, and Happiness [because they were at one time a victim of an illness, accident, or a crime] have instead bound their own hearts in Chains, Poverty, and Dissatisfaction.

For those who have truly experienced the trauma of being a victim and yet go on in life to have a beautiful heart that prospers and is full of joy, they are victims who have resisted the temptations of the self-pitying lifestyle of a victim’s mindset. They are those who have instead committed themselves to God:

“But You, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; You consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to You; You are the helper of the fatherless.”

~ Psalm 10:14

Here are some samples of the “logic” that supports a person’s dangerous [to self and relationships] self-pitying lifestyle of a victim’s mindset:

🔸 If I am a victim, then I have a form of total disability, because my total ability in an area of life was stolen by illness or others. Therefore, others who are blessed with undeserved health and freedom to do most anything they want to are morally obligated to exert their abilities to compensate for my disability.

🔸 If I am a victim, then I am unable to provide for myself, because I have had my resources stolen. Therefore, others who have control over resources are morally obligated to share their resources with me.

🔸 If I am a victim, then I am no longer capable of personal development, because my capability to change and grow has been stolen from me. Therefore, all others are morally required to accommodate all my imperfections to any degree on a perpetual basis.

🔸 If I am a victim, then I am incapable of being happy, because I have been robbed of my reasons to be happy. Therefore, others are morally obligated to accommodate my disability of unhappiness by walking on egg shells around me, doing anything and everything that I want so it might possibly prompt happiness and joy in my life.

The victim mindset is so predictable, and yet we can be so blind to it in our own life. As we look at ourselves in the mirror, and gaze deep within our own eyes, let’s pray that God will help us to see ourselves for what we really are like. Do we have a rubber stamped Victim’s Mindset that follows this pattern, or have we committed ourselves to the care of God?

“If I am a victim, then I am __________________________, because ________________________. Therefore, all others are morally obligated to ________________________ for me.”

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#PastorsTip #Psalm10 #Victim #VictimMindset #Victimhood #Disability #Illness #Accident #Crime #TrustGod #MoralObligation #PersonalDevelopment #VictimCard

The 2 Recipes For The Bread Of Love

To use a bread analogy, a marriage relationship between a husband and a wife is like a Bakery that produces what we will call The Bread of Love. The Bread of Love has two recipes that are used in the bakery of their marriage, the wife has her favorite flavor to consume, and the husband has his own favorite flavor to consume. Each bakes the Bread of Love for the other, both recipes have the same ingredients but the measure of each ingredient is a little different.

“… each [husband] must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

~ Ephesians‬ ‭5:33‬

The woman in the marriage is designed by God to enjoy and to be best nourished by a certain flavored recipe of the Bread of Love that is made for her by her husband. Her favorite recipe for her Bread of Love is the “Cherished Adoration” offered to her by him. While each spouse’s love for the other both have all the same ingredients, she especially responds to the extra measure of being cherished and adored as an individual, as a woman, as a daughter of God, and as a wife.

The man in the marriage is designed by God to enjoy and to be best nourished by a certain flavored recipe of the Bread of Love that is made for him by his wife. His favorite recipe for his Bread of Love is the “Sincere Respect” offered to him by her. Again, while each spouse’s love for the other both have all the same ingredients, he especially responds to the extra measure of being sincerely respected as an individual, as a man, as a man of God, and as a husband.

The love of each spouse is to flow freely and is not to be withheld until it has been somehow earned or is considered to have been deserved. A marriage commitment is a vow between a husband and a wife to love one another unconditionally. If one spouse breaks the trust of the other, the trust should not then be withheld until some arbitrary “scales of justice” or the “scales of feelings” have been rebalanced by good deeds and penitence.

Christ loves us unconditionally, and He does not withhold His Bread of Love (and His Bread of Life!) from us until be have “worked” our way back into His good feelings and His graces. We are instructed to love our spouse in the same way that Christ loves the church, and that means baking our spouse’s favorite flavored Bread of Love day-in and day-out with absolute consistency in quality — the BEST quality!

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#PastorsTip #Ephesians5 #Marriage #Love #Respect #Adoration #Cherish #Husband #Wife #Recipe #Bread